Goal: Enter the Deepsky Citadel inner sanctum.
Hypothesis 1: Guards can be bargained with.
Method 1: Offer to be escorted
Observations: Dwarves are stern.
Conclusion: Dwarves do not like the idea of being “escorts.” Need to re-examine the use of that term.
Method 2: Tell Jokes
Observations: Dwarves like ribald jokes
Conclusion: Sanctum Guards find the idea of letting strangers past their post a joke.
Method 3: Offer kindness in trade
Observations: This is a long and boring process. Must learn the target’s likes/wants/needs to provide them. Involves a subsequent exchange of tasks. Patience is a must. Persuasiveness is important. Dwarves don’t drink on duty.
Conclusion: Let the pretty ones do the talking.
Method 4: Bribery
Observation: Guards respond to bribery with threats of imprisonment.
Conclusion: Wear a helmet. Don’t bribe guards.
Result: Sanctum Guards cannot be bargained with.
Hypothesis 2: Guards can be distracted from their post.
Method 1: Throw a rock across the chamber and sneak past guards.
Observations: Guards don’t care about rocks. They see them quite often
Method 2: Use the “Look Away” technique to draw line of sight away from door.
Observations: Guards are trained to look forward and use their peripheral vision. They don’t change their position.
Method 3: Send another individual to ask a question and sneak past the guards while they are engaged.
Observations: It only takes one guard to answer a question. The other one has a big pointy stick as a deterrent.
Conclusion: Halberds are pointy.
Method 4: Cause a ruckus to summon guards and sneak past the unattended doorway
Observations: Guards can call for help. Patrols come by the citadel regularly. Despite being underground, the Dwarves, undeterred by stumpy legs, still use stairs.
Conclusion: It hurts to be thrown down a half flight of stairs.
Result: Sanctum guards are not easily distracted.
Hypothesis 3: Stealth will get me past the guards
Method 1: Blend into the wall and sneak behind guards.
Observations: Dwarves watch the backs of their fellow guards. Working in teams offers an advantage to the guards.
Conclusion: Dwarves swear. Sometimes a lot.
Method 2: Procure a disguise.
Observations: It is difficult to hide beneath the robe of a Dwarven councilman. Soraka does not lend out her feathers. Dreadlocks cannot be woven to look enough like Dwarven beards.
Method 3: Forge documentation of passage.
Observation: Forgery is an accomplished skill. Must know the full names of people whose documents you intend to forge. Forgery is also a crime.
Conclusion: Escape is a valuable tool to avoid Dwarven patrols.
Method 4: “Act Like you’ve been there before.”
Observation: Dwarven regulations on post duties are very strict.
Conclusion: I should have tried this one first. I was too well known to the guards for them to believe my bluffs.
Result: Dwarves are vigilant against stealth.
Hypothesis 4: Utilize physical prowess and force.
Method 1: Swing from the banners
Observation: Children tattle-tale when you break the rules. There is no where to run from guards when you’re stranded up a banner. Swinging over head of the guards got me past the guards for the first time.
Conclusion: Being stuck under a pile of dwarves is smelly and painful. Next time pay off the tattle-tale.
Method 2: Speed is what we need
Observation: Dwarven soldiers are trained to anticipate enemy movements to compensate for their naturally slow speed.
Conclusion: Shields hurt when you bounce off them. Halberds hurt too when being clotheslined by one.
Method 3: Provoke the guards from their post then use agility to get around.
Observation: Dwarves enjoy insulting one another. They will not leave their post. They will yell insults back.
Conclusion: I am more easily provoked that Sanctum guards. Need to stock up on handkerchiefs. Better for dignity than tears in public.
Method 4: Slingshot over the top using the element of surprise
Observation: I can use my spear to pole vault over the top of Dwarves and run past them. Attempt would have been a success except I left my spear behind. Dwarven guards used it as leverage to bribe me back
Conclusion: Need to develop a method of bringing the spear with me. So close!
Result: I am not properly equipped to outmaneuver Deepsky Citadel Inner Sanctum Guards.
Summary: I have a lot of bumps and bruises and no tour of the facility to show for it, guided or otherwise. Citadel guards are a well organized and well trained organization. Also… I want a dessert. I have owwies.